Waiting for My Bright Orange Mazda

When I was in primary school, my mom drove a bright orange Mazda hatchback. Everyday, after school had ended, my brother and I would hang around in the canteen waiting for her to come and take us home.

My brother, with his uniform shirt untucked and maybe one shoelace undone, would be up and about playing with friends or just doing, exploring something. Me, the more introverted one, would tend to sit on one of the long wooden benches, facing the school’s main gate so that I could take note of every car that came through. And because my mom was a high school teacher, we often ended up being the only ones left waiting in the canteen, because her school ended later than ours.

I remember sighing, even if only on the inside, when yet another car had come into the school compound but it was still not the one I had been waiting for: mom’s bright orange Mazda. But of course, she always turned up, without fail. Or on some other days, it would be dad who would be taking us home, depending on their work schedules.

I sure did a lot of waiting as a child – waiting for my parents to fetch me home from music lessons (dad was usually late!), tuition classes, the library, school activities. Waiting for meals to be ready. Waiting for grandpa and grandma to arrive.

But little did it cross my mind that time, that even as I grew up, waiting was one thing that I would not be exempt from.

 I still wait for many things and many dreams now. In many instances, I even make conscious decisions to wait. 

It is not always fun to wait – but at least I have learnt to be like my smart little brother in his messy uniform – and take waiting seasons as opportunities to explore, have fun and do nice things that do not require waiting.

Till my bright orange Mazda arrives.

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/waiting/

 

Careful…at the Expense of Creative

I just came back from a 2-day creative writing workshop. The piece I wrote during the final exercise came out flat, unimaginative and forgettable. 

I’d never seen myself as a creative writer to begin with, but now I suspect that years being in the corporate world, where the things I write have to be carefully thought through and conform to what is deemed professional, diplomatic and acceptable within the kind of image and messages that the company wants to portray – have dulled my creativity as a writer even more. 

I have forgotten how to show and not tell. How to be sensorial and lead my readers to see,hear, touch, taste and smell the story that I want to tell. Until this afternoon I was not aware that a story has to begin with a conflict, followed by the process dealing with the conflict, and end with the resolution of the conflict. 

I don’t even remember what the stories I want to tell are – having conditioned myself to focus on writing things to influence perceptions in specific ways. I have random ideas in my head – things I want to write mingling with the things I do not want but have to write, and they are screaming to find their places in the story where they belong. 

So I have carved out the time and space for me to just read all the books I want to read; and to pen down the thoughts floating in my consciousness. To explore and play with words, phrases, sentences that will add dimension to my writings. 

I want to reconnect with my creative voice, and discover myself all over again as a writer. 
https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/careful/

Procrastination

Procrastination refuses to let me go.

He tempts me, distracts me with sights, sounds, thoughts, taste. 

He detracts and not add value to me, why do I still keep him around?

Because like poufy fluffy cotton candy, he feels good at the moment. Gooey sweetness melting in my mouth, and for that time it’s just me and the sweet nothingness. 

Then minutes pass and the last morsels begin to sicken me. The sweetness departs leaving behind nothing but inertia. I gather my mass and chalk up some momentum, and all is well till the next passing candy cloud comes.

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/value/

Silence

There may be silence between us 
After the first “hello”
But thoughts that reverberate
On the same plane
Will always bring you 
Back into my world. 

In response to today’s prompt, Silence | The Daily Post

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/silence/

When Passion Isn’t Practical

Reblogging this post to respond to today’s prompt, “Passionate” 

People, Places, and Perspectives.

It’s great to have passion. Fiery ideas that change the world often start burning in someone’s belly. Passion turns hard work into fun and challenges into adrenaline-fueled adventures. When you have passion it suddenly becomes easy to do the right thing and to fight. Character becomes effortless.

But what do you do when the thing that makes you tick and the thing that gives you your paycheck are no longer one and the same?

It takes uncomfortable effort and difficulty to force fit a square peg into a round hole and then keep it there. But when the right fit is still elusive life as it is goes on, so that has to be done.

You’re square. Your heart does not beat for the round hole. Your angular match has yet to be found.

This is when you summon your character in order to deliver in the midst of…

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When Passion Isn’t Practical

It’s great to have passion. Fiery ideas that change the world often start burning in someone’s belly. Passion turns hard work into fun and challenges into adrenaline-fueled adventures. When you have passion it suddenly becomes easy to do the right thing and to fight. Character becomes effortless.

But what do you do when the thing that makes you tick and the thing that gives you your paycheck are no longer one and the same?

It takes uncomfortable effort and difficulty to force fit a square peg into a round hole and then keep it there. But when the right fit is still elusive life as it is goes on, so that has to be done.

You’re square. Your heart does not beat for the round hole. Your angular match has yet to be found.

This is when you summon your character in order to deliver in the midst of drudgery. You have responsibilities to discharge and you need to restrain your free spirit no matter how it squirms and struggles.

You may not do any life changing things for now. Everything is grey and mundane. You endure by the moment so everything is dealt with in bite-sized bearables.

Be still, oh heart. When the right time comes, the fuel lying dormant inside you will be free to catch fire and burn forevermore.

For now, it is you and what you are made of, against the cold sleepy winter and rain.

That Little but Formidable Red Dot Down South

I am a Malaysian who sincerely admires our Southern neighbour, the tiny island state called Singapore – who is somehow always one step ahead, one pace faster. The bustling city state that used to be a part of my country till it was expulsed in 1965 due to ideological differences between its ruling party and Malaysia’s.

With a small disparate population, and even fewer resources – the tiny newly independent nation had to find its own way to survive.

And when you are small and vulnerable with so many disadvantages, how do you overcome the odds? Singapore ended up becoming an example of how a nation can thrive despite it all. Having traveled there regularly for work for the past one year, I observe a culture that I am convinced has enabled the meteoric rise of this country from 1965:

1. Wise picks of battles to fight
When your resources are limited you have to decide carefully where you want to focus them on – whether it’s your energy or money. I have yet to come across any colleagues in my Singapore office sweating the small stuff, for example worrying about form and not substance. Though Singapore is now way past its past struggles, the wise pragmatism seems to have remained. 

2. An absence of excessiveness
There is a fine line between making tremendous effort in the name of excellence and trying hard to impress. The city looks impressive, no doubt – but that is just the inevitable result of thoughtful and pragmatic planning done with the intention of inspiring the confidence of its own people and the foreign people whose skills, talent and investment would be needed to help Singapore prosper. Not to impress and boost fragile egos. No wonder I have yet to come across any kitschy or tacky looking buildings or monuments in Singapore. It is quite simply the epitome of elegance.

3. A strong focus on developing its uniqueness, and looking to others not to compare, but to learn and find strengths to leverage
This is closely related to picking battles wisely. Of course many would argue that Singapore is a competitive place – but we tend to forget that being competitive does not necessarily mean comparing with others. It is when we give our all to make the most of what we have that we become a force formidable enough for others to reckon with – and by then we find ourselves in our own league. I posit that Singapore does not focus so much on competing as much as it focuses on leading and leveraging its neighbours’ strengths. Any wonder why so many of my country’s best and brightest end up happily heading down south?

I love my country and I know Singapore has its own flaws. But there’s so much to learn from our excellent neighbour down south.

So this is how I have experienced Singapore. I would love to hear what you think, whether you are Singaporean or not.

South

From How I Feel to Who I Am: A Paradigm Shift (part 2)

This post is part of a series. Read the first part here.

Common sense and years of reading self-help books had told me that the best way to get over the blues was to simply ignore the negative emotions. If I could just steel my heart somehow and do whatever I had to do, they would eventually go off by themselves.

I used to admire people who could go through emotionally wrenching experiences and still be able to stay focused on whatever life required of them. Like my dear friend Sarah, who lost her mother to cancer during a major high school exam but was still able to lock herself in a room and immerse herself in revision, putting her immense sadness on the backburner to emerge the top student.

Me? One argument with a boyfriend and there went all my ability to focus. It still amuses me that I could easily laugh off things that would rattle most people – like the traffic, unsolicited criticism from casual acquaintances, rude salespeople. But when the people I cared about push my buttons, the downward spiral was almost always a given.

The grip of my emotions was just too strong, or maybe it was just me who was weak. Growing up I knew my negative emotions were a stumbling block. Over the years, attempts to understand and discover ways to break the cycle resulted in slow and gradual progress.

As a Christian, I read the Bible, sought advice from church leaders, and prayed. It didn’t occur to me to seek professional advice until two years ago – and that was when I learnt about negative core beliefs.

“You lose your ability to function and focus because a negative core belief you held about yourself was triggered, so the key is to identify this belief, challenge it because it is untrue and then replace it with a positive core belief,” said the wise shrink.

I felt like I had been given the key to the prison door and eagerly did the homework she gave me – jotting down descriptions of the thoughts that ran through my mind whenever I felt down, and soon the thought pattern became clear: that I actually had the belief that I was not worthy! Beneath the strong and confident and go-getting façade that I presented to most of the world I actually I felt I was not worthy: unworthy of unconditional love and acceptance, and that I had always had to prove something to myself.

(to be continued)

 

One-Liner Wednesday–How Do You Seize the Day and Make It Yours?

Let’s take the hint from Ralph Waldo Emerson:

“The day is always his who works with serenity and great aims.”

This is part of LindaGHill’s One-Liner Wednesday:

http://lindaghill.com/2014/12/10/one-liner-wednesday-ah-innocence/

Ingredients for Blogging Consistency

While I can’t say I have had any periods during which I posted daily on my blog, I have done so consistently since I began this blog in May. As someone whose attention span can be rather short and who can get curious and interested in so many ventures at one time, I am quite pleased that I have successfully kept up the consistency of my posts.

And here’s the list of factors I think helped me achieve that:

1. The absence of the need to be ‘perfect’
So no more over analyzing and worrying about grammar and if what I write may sound silly. If there’s an idea and it somewhat makes sense, I write and click Publish. “Done is better than perfect.”

2. A sense of accountability
This is what makes WordPress wonderful– its community. When your blog following grows and you have people interacting with you don’t you feel motivated to keep the virtual ink flowing? The interaction somehow makes me feel accountable, in a good way.

3. Tangible, timely results– thanks to WordPress statistics
This is why coaches and experts advise setting milestones and celebrating each one on the long road to the big end goal. This is also why at competitions scores are published during the contest and not just at the end. And this is something WordPress got down pat! Letting me see the number of views I am getting each day actually gives me the satisfaction because it is a result of my effort that I can see. For many of us bloggers, our end goal may be to publish a book eventually. But along the way, tangible milestones–views, comments, likes — I believe, are like cheerleaders and reminders that keep us going.

What about you? What are the things that you think motivate you to keep posting?

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/winning-streak/