How Do I Know if Your Promises Are True?

I dropped you a word from heaven
So that you would have a vision.

I bought you at a price 
Your days aren’t supposed to just go by.

I let you wade in some darkness
So that you would experience My faithfulness.

I planted in you a passion
So that you would pursue Me with abandon.

I hide from you my most intricate plans
Not to make you tip toe, uncertain
But to keep you fully immersed 
In our every moment together. 

I lay before you this narrow path
Because you are meant to be
Set apart. 

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/promises/

Solitude, Silence and Sufficiency

What a bittersweet season this is. And one full of contradictions.

I am feeling melancholic, and yet I feel joy bubbling deep inside of me. 

There’s a sense of lethargy over things that I have tolerated that I do not want to tolerate anymore. At least for now. A sense of loneliness from the disconnection that I feel with people who are supposed to be close to me but:

Talk way more than they listen. Conversations with them leave me feeling like something is wanting, in contrast to feeling uplifted. I am often told I am a good listener, but I am not a martyr. So for this season I am not all ears to some people. By choice. 

Patronize. Giving unsolicited advice, or making remarks consisting of such rudimentary information that they are effectively saying:”I know better than you” – when I was just looking for an intelligent exchange of thoughts among equals. Maybe in their eyes I am not their equal. So I will not even try to be. 

Drain me while expecting me to lift them up with my enthusiasm and appetite for the unconventional. It is as if my adventures are entertainment for them, witnessing things that they would not have dared to attempt themselves, while they pour out their fears and pessimism to me not realizing that even positive people are not immune to negative energy. Or worse, tell me directly or indirectly that I am thinking too big. Planning to move to another country? “Did you just win the lottery?” Or trying to inject practicality into my aspiration towards the apparently impossible. 

So I am feeling disconnected from these people. It feels like…rejection. Although no one rejected me outright. And yet because of this disconnection the power of solitude becomes even more palpable. More glorious. More sufficient than ever. There is so much comfort in being lonely…feeling unheard and not understood, and then knowing that it is in such solitude and aloneness that I appreciate all the unequivocal loyalty that I know I have. Loyalty of God, of my parents, my family, my few lifelong friends. Of God. Who is surely speaking a whole lot to me in this season of seeking His face afresh and His word anew. 

So I am choosing to be silent. After I have expressed my displeasure. My tongue can be unbridled but I will know at the end of the day – if those friendships, relationships – are strong and true enough to withstand my honesty. 

I decided not to be “nice”. And it feels so good…because I am enough. And God is more than enough. 

This post is a response to today’s prompt:

<a href=”https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/solitude/”>Solitude</a> and life. 

From How I Feel to Who I Am: A Paradigm Shift

According to my MBTI profile, I am an INFP. And the problem is I scored 80 on the F (for feeler) and only 20 on the T (for thinker). So I used to joke that I didn’t use my head much. 

Joke aside, Myers-Briggs was spot on about me. I am just wired to be driven by emotions, even in school some friends observed that my grades seemed to fluctuate according to my mood! 

But over the years, as my responsibilities in life grew and my aspirations grew along, the yo-yo started to get tiring. My emotions were great when they swinged towards the positive: I had signed up for law school, a marathon and fund raising, beauty pageant, volunteer work, written heartfelt letters, quit a job to pursue my dream career, cooked for my grandma when I felt great about myself and that there was nothing that could stop me. (Right now I am feeling pretty jolly and am contemplating returning to law school, but oops, that’s another subject altogether). 

But when they took a nose dive for whatever reason or trigger – an argument with a loved one, or some disappointment – I got hit pretty hard – words just wouldn’t flow when I had to write, I would want to hide at home and not face the world when there were people I had to meet, and there would be a sense of frustration standing like a wall between me and all that I wanted to do and be, the feeling that “if I could just get over this sadness and heaviness, then my heart would be light again and I could chase after life again.” It was frustrating, exasperating, and depressing – until I got out of it and snap back into my happy self. It felt like a vicious cycle I had little control over – not serious enough to cause a dysfunction, but bad enough to cause a lot of frustration and opportunities. 

Until I finally got a revelation this morning. 

(To be continued) 

God Is In Control

I doubt many of us will be stranded on an island like Robinson Crusoe, at least literally. Figuratively, however, I am sure most of us have felt stranded at one point or another in our lives.

Isolated, lost, alone, with no one to call for help, or so it seemed. Worried, anxious, not knowing what to do, wondering how long our supply will last–be it finances or the emotional strength to tide us over. It might have even felt like there’s no way out — on an island and there’s no passing ship or plane or copter to bring us back to shore.

I do not have much to offer a friend or relative who is stranded, save for moral and emotional support, and these four words: God is in control.

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/someone-elses-island/

A Prayer for the Impossible

Dear God
Will You do
That
Which only You
The Sovereign God
Subject only to Your own will
Can do
Exceedingly
Abundantly
Far above all that my finite mind
Can conceive
Here is my petition
Blow my mind
Dwarf my imagination
The way only You can
The God of all possibilities
In the name of Your precious Son, Jesus
Amen.

It’s Not About My Performance, it’s all about Christ’s Perfection

Psalm 84:11New International Version (NIV)

11 For the Lord God is a sun and shield;
    the Lord bestows favor and honor;
no good thing does he withhold
    from those whose walk is blameless.

Sometimes waiting for God’s will to come to pass feels like fighting the temptation to eat the first marshmallow–but if we would just wait for His appointed time, we will have two marshmallows instead of one.

And my God is faithful, whatever He has promised, He will surely deliver.

Love this song by New Creation Church.